she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
