i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dick very happy bro
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
