we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
