Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
