I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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