That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
