He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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