I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have feelings that need drinking.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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