Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
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i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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