Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
