I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
