so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
3 2 1 whiskey
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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