i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
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We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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