WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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