There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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