halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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