Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
