I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
