i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
