You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
