At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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