You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
