I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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