Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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