If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
