i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I enjoy the company of your penis
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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