so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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