Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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