it was like his penis was on wheels.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
