ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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