i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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