Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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