Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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