do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
