There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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