Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
