i permit you to call me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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