I want to walk on stilts...naked
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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