so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We are all done wearing pants today
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
