craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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