how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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