so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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