we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
