I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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