At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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