Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize