Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
