so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
