After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
