new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
