Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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