Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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