i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
