I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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