thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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