In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
