i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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